If you want more course conversions, help prospects move through the fears standing in their way.
In this mini copywriting review, I’m optimizing a “fear relieving” sales email for a premium-priced course that’s trying to do just that.
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, it’s Paige here from theimpactcopywriter.com.
Today, we’re back with another copywriting review, or mini copywriting review. We’re going to focus on a sales email that’s inside a sales sequence for a high-ticket course business-building program. The email in question that we’re going to look at is really focused on the fear that people have about moving forward and how that contrasts with relieving that fear and building belief in their ability to achieve some sort of transformation.
If you’re selling anything, really, but especially if you’re selling developmental-type training programs, fear is likely to play a factor in your ideal buyer’s mind. It might be fear of not being good enough to get a result, fear of not being at the right stage (like maybe they’re too much of a beginner to get a specific result), or fear of making such a large financial investment if you’re selling something that’s really high-ticket. It might be fear around belief in their ability to get the result, or even skepticism about your program’s ability to deliver a specific result.
So, really pay attention to the fears that people have, especially those deeper-rooted fears, as they can be a huge conversion blocker in your sales process. You definitely want to think about whether you can use your sales sequence to help people overcome specific fears that are coming up based on the research you’re doing.
Before we hop in and start looking at the email, I just want to remind you that we’re going into this with the spirit that copy can always be optimized. There are always things that we can test and improve in order to enhance the performance of the copy that we’re using. In the case of sales emails, we’re looking primarily at increasing opens so that the email gets consumed or read by the subscriber, and we’re also looking at increasing click-throughs to drive people to sales pages or checkouts. That’s the purpose of the body copy, and that’s going to be our focus for this email review as well.
We always start with the copy brief so we can understand the strategy behind the email and why it’s written that way, and we can analyze it against that foundation. Remember, this is an “in-the-wild” kind of email, so I don’t have access to a lot of the strategic information about the funnel or about the ideal buyer other than personal experience with going through the email funnel and identifying with my own characteristics that make me potentially an ideal buyer for this.
The reader for this email is someone who is either an aspiring or a working consultant who registered for this free “big picture” webinar but hasn’t purchased the course yet. With lots of webinars for training programs, they show you the big-picture transformation and the phases or steps you have to go through to get a certain result. They educate you a bit and drop hints about things in the program that are included to help you execute. That’s the type of webinar I signed up for, which led me to this email sequence.
The offer for this email is really a video view. So, if we’re looking at this email specifically, the goal of this email is to get them to watch a specific video. If we look at the sequence itself, the ultimate goal is to get them to purchase a $2,000 course. So, we look at both of those, but remember that for this email specifically, the goal is to watch a video.
The big idea for this email is dealing with your fear. From the entrepreneur’s or business’s perspective, fear is a big potential conversion blocker. We want to help people get over the fears they have to move forward. This email aims to help them recognize that they can actually do something about that fear. Our simple promise is: “Watch this video, and I’ll show you how to deal with your fear,” assuming that they understand that dealing with their fear equals moving through it so they can take the next step.
When it comes to optimizing emails:
The first thing we’re going to look at is optimizing the big idea to align with what we know the reader is thinking about. What is their thought process at this stage in the funnel? Once someone has watched the webinar, what are they still thinking about?
We’ll look at the subject line because, before they can read the email, they have to open it. So, we’ll optimize the subject line to get more opens.
Then, we move into optimizing the body copy to get more clicks.
Alright, let’s look at the email.
What do they really want? We’re going to skip over number one, optimizing the message to align with those ideal buyer insights because I don’t have the research to do that analysis. We can reasonably assume, based on experience and being human, that fear plays a big role in this ideal buyer’s mind when they’re getting ready to invest in a high-ticket program or take the next step.
What we can’t really tell is fear about what. So that’s something we’ll talk about here in a minute.
We’re going to move on to the subject line. The first observation I had about the subject line was that my eyes caught on the phrase “Seven-Figure Confidence.” I started to think, “Is confidence really what the ideal buyer wants?” If I read the email and then come back to this subject line, “Seven-Figure Confidence” doesn’t really connect to the end goal for what I think this ideal buyer is really interested in. Confidence is part of it, but we could say “Crippling Fear” or “Seven-Figure Confidence,” and that doesn’t necessarily imply that these people actually created seven-figure businesses.
Something I would consider doing is testing swapping out “Seven-Figure Confidence” with “Seven-Figure Consultant” because, if we go back here, that’s really what people are interested in. Confidence plays a role, but the end goal is having a really successful business and being profitable. I would consider saying something like “From Crippling Fear to Seven-Figure Consultant,” which is more in line with the transformation they’re really looking for. Confidence alone doesn’t imply that they have a seven-figure business yet, so using the word “Consultant” feels more powerful and aligned with the end result.
Another thing I’d consider doing for the subject line is moving the case study to the end. With the case study at the beginning, we’re hitting them with what’s most important, but do people really want a case study without having any context? Case studies are just a vehicle, so what they really want to know is how to turn crippling fear into becoming a seven-figure consultant, even though they’re dealing with that fear. I would move the case study to the end because it implies that we’re about to see some proof, an example, or a story of someone who did this. It’s important, but it’s not what I would lead with.
The second thing I noticed was in the opening or top half of the email. When I started reading through the top half, it felt very negative. The way we’re talking to these people who are already feeling a lot of fear and skepticism and maybe not having a lot of belief and hope in their ability to do this reinforces the beliefs that are getting in the way of them moving forward.
I understand the point of this section: to empathize that fear is normal and everyone experiences it. The point is to show that fear is normal and to offer a way to work through it. But the way it’s written reinforces their fear before we get to relieving it. We’re doing a disservice by giving their fear more power before we start breaking it down.
An easy fix would be to rework the opening to be more empathetic, to normalize fear as something that everyone feels, and then give hope. Instead of detailing how the writer was depressed and felt doomed, we should focus on normalizing fear and offering examples of overcoming it. This will help empathize with the ideal buyer and show that fear is normal. We can then introduce case studies or examples of people who achieved incredible results by overcoming specific fears, and introduce the video with practical advice.
The next thing I observed was about the case studies. Fear presents in many ways: fear about finances, what family might think, fear of not achieving something, or fear about past failures. An important thing to consider is to show proof of the specific fears people have in your case study examples.
For example, if the case studies only address financial insecurity, people suffering from self-worth or self-belief issues might not resonate. Align the proof with what your ideal buyers are fearing. Pull out common themes from your Voice of Customer research and provide case studies or snippets that match the major fears of your ideal buyers. Prove that these fears can be overcome.
Another note in this section is that both case studies were of men. As a woman, I don’t see myself in these examples. Consider selecting samples that accurately represent the diversity of your customer group, including age, gender, role, stage, and background. This helps ensure that your proof resonates with a wider audience.
Finally, in the PS section, the story about eating a bar of soap at school to avoid public speaking is intriguing and humorous. It could be a great story to open the email with, as it illustrates how far fear can make you go. It would create interest and help readers relax into the email, making them more open to working through their fears.
So, I would consider rewriting the opening to lead with the soap story to create more interest and engage readers.
That wraps up this mini copywriting review. I hope you grabbed at least one insight that can help you write stronger sales emails for your business.
